Friday, October 29, 2010
A very tight crawl space into Part of my soul..
I Want what everyone want's. A love that transcends time and space . A Love so powerful it takes my breath away.. and in wanting this I alienate anyone willing to give It. I want to give all I have my Very Life my soul my being to my chosen Love. But on my time frame, ok I have chosen you so poof you Love me back. Well it doesn't work that way.. no one can know my true honest intensions but myself so it takes time to get to know me and hey big shocker to me (literally) ( not everyone will like me ) I know crazy right... lol I try very hard to remain true to myself while being pleasing, fair and compassionate to others. I do fail sometimes. My heart is bursting with Love and I want some in return. I am begging for love acceptance and appreciation. but there is a catch, he has to be very intelligent, kind, love's family, driven, A leader rather then a follower, someone who protects his Loved ones. someone true to his word honest and hard working towards his own dreams so he is self fulfilled. never becoming jaded or negative. believing in true love with an endless amount of patience for those he cares for. So what do I do? well when I find this guy I demand immediate Love and devotion. Ha even though 2 people need to be comfortable in a relationship. I only consider my own comfortability. why am I this way. well I want what I want and I want it now. in other words I need to grow up and learn to have more patience. I have a picture in my mind about what my life should look like.. It should be me taking care of the man I love being completely devoted and willing to do whatever it takes to ensure the happiness of this man. while in return he treats me like his queen, nothing is to good for me and he cant keep his eye's or hands off of me. Simple right? haha No not simple. I could cry a river of tears over the mistakes I have made the word's I have said or have not said and the decisions made, But why what shall it solve? nothing.. really it would only hinder me in my future the best I can do is realize accept learn and move forward. I need to think before I do but sometimes my feelings run so deep that I am impulsive and insist that things settle or become repaired in that instance. I think that is called being a baby. I have good traits sure lots of em.. but I hardly gave this guy a chance to see them before flipping out and insisting to know the future. like hey I cant let myself fall for you unless you have a guarantee that you will love me back and never hurt me. So what now I should get more consideration then any other female on the planet, I can safe guard my heart while millions are being broken everyday.. I think that is called wanting your cake and eating it to.. I am learning things in life a little later then most others my age as if I grew up in a bomb shelter. it is embarrassing But I do have a humble attitude and a desire to learn and become a better more well rounded person. My path in Life is leading towards Love and enlightenment rather then fame and fortune. I strive to learn and Live in peace and harmony. My younger years were filled with fallacy and obligation so the second half of my Life has to lead to knowledge and Love. My Life would mean nothing if I could not find and cherish those things..